August 13, 2010

I'm sitting on my sofa at midnight after a long day at work and school drinking a glass of Jack Daniels. I'm tired and can easily fall asleep, but I feel like I need to write something. I feel both pissed off and enabled to succeed in greatness. I truly do not want to become like so many people I see everyday. Sometimes I fall into the same snares that bind them, but I know that I can defeat it. The only problem is that I must be firm in my resolution to stand on my principles no matter what the cost. I believe that I'm too cheery. Some people say that its a virtue, but I'm starting to realize that its a crutch. Something that numbs me to the reality of injustice and pain; both of which must be embraced if one would ever accept reality. The trouble that I see in myself is that as soon as I walk in the door at work, I try exceeding hard to please people. So much in fact, that I lose myself and my resolutions in the process. I must find a way to overcome this weakness. Now that I (at least to a greater degree) understand what true evil is and where it lies, I must fight it with a vigor like none other. It must not overtake me anymore, even if I must become a prude to defend my beliefs. I must defend myself from the conversations that diminish a man to a crust of bread. I must become my own man, and not what others would have me to be just to please them, no matter how sad they may seem. You see, we all struggle and groan together in this brief stay called life. But it doesn't give us the liberty to try to cover it up. Instead, it must be recognized, confronted, and defeated... every day. And I aim to accomplish this in my life from this point onward. Goodnight.

Memories...

I woke up this morning at an early hour wanting to accomplish a lot. I got out on the street and jogged my 8 miles, took a shower and grabbed a bite to eat. But when it came time to pick up my horn, I just wasn't feeling it. I tried to push through, but to no avail. So I put a new record I just picked up in D.C. on the player and listened to it. The album was an old Maynard Ferguson record that I first heard when I traveled with my High School Band director to Portland, Oregon for the first time to hear the Army Reserve band he was in. We stayed at his co worker's house. I remember he had a couple of cats, and he gave me free reign over his record player and albums. The Maynard album was the one I chose. I remember feeling a great excitement for music at that point in my life. And as I sat and listened to the album, I read the back of the sleeve while the music was playing. My grandpa never liked to read the sleeves while the record was playing. He said it took away from the listening experience. However, one of the beautiful things about being an individual is having your own opinion, and mine differs from him on this matter. After I read the sleeve, I smelled it. Now this may sound weird, but a record sleeve has a very unique smell to it, and when I smell one it brings me back to my grandparent's house, sitting for hours just listening to music. Flooded with memories at this point in the morning gave me the strength to pick up my horn one more time and take one more step toward virtuosity on the trombone. And not only that, but it gave me a renewed enjoyment for what I do for a living. I think its important for all of us to pull from past experiences and apply them to present circumstances to help us blossom even more in our endeavors. May your memories be as rich and pleasant as mine are. Goodnight.