tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70309105879694440302024-03-21T20:03:38.185-07:00The Regular VikingMarathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-87853941109822950062018-09-04T17:00:00.002-07:002018-09-04T17:00:26.243-07:00Moving InSo my girlfriend and I have tentatively decided to move in together. We've both spoken about it on multiple occasions, but the reality of actually doing the deed is getting to her I think. It's funny as I've been there every single night since we've been dating, but something about it is bothering her and I'm not sure how to handle it. As I scroll through her old photos on Facebook, I feel sad. I don't feel sad for her so much as I do for myself. She has a lot of photos of her and her friends having a good time. During those years, I wasn't having a good time. I was stuck in a process of fixing a dilapidated house that my ex was adamant about getting right so we could continue investing in more properties and become rich. If you've read any of my blog, you know how that ended. So looking back through my now-girlfriend's picture album makes me sad as she's been developing relationships and living her life while I was a hermit who only spent time by myself reading and living vicariously through those stories. I feel I'm a sham. I was socially awkward with her family and friends because my adeptness in those situations isn't fully developed. So now she has it in her mind that I don't like them no matter how much I tell her the opposite is true. I put some of my things in her apartment and her cat is freaking out, so I don't know if she sees that as a sign or what. I feel like I'm some sort of alien life form who can't relate to anybody on this planet, no matter how hard I try. I feel like I'm doing okay, but everything I've been up to for over the past year has been out of my comfort zone. I became a truck driver. I live in half an office with my best friend. I became a welder. I go to the bar on a regular now. I meet new people almost every day. But it's not what I've developed over years as a habit and I'm not used to the social setting. I don't believe there's anything wrong with that, but it's going to take some time to develop and I don't know if my girlfriend is okay with who I am. Maybe I'm just permanently damaged and I'll never be able to relate to anybody. If that's the case, I suspect she'll probably break up with me and I'll be alone for the rest of my life, as I'm unwilling to ever try this relationship dance again after meeting someone as amazing as she is. I guess I'm just damaged goods. This I can be sure of however: I will never force myself upon her or demand something, as that has been done to me in the past and I find it unacceptable in every capacity. I will be a gentleman even if it's to my own harm. And if everything goes south, I'll make due as I am a man and I have a responsibility to do good regardless of the cost to myself. But it's nice to be happy. I haven't been in longer than I can remember.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-77207208944447207652018-05-20T09:59:00.002-07:002018-05-20T09:59:16.196-07:00Sticking Around<br />I've decided that regardless of what happens, I'm staying in Virginia for the time being. Looking at houses and jobs in my part of Oregon has put a serious damper on my desire to return home. Starting home prices hover at around $300,000. Foreclosures are around $100,000 and up. Jobs pay around $13 an hour. Even if I were to acquire a job at Mercedes or BMW, the market isn't there, so flat rate would end up being about the same as hourly. It looks like it's just not in the cards. I have a good job here. If this job turns sour, I can get another good one. I can buy a foreclosed home for around $30,000 and fix it up. All my connections are here. It just seems smarter to stick around. Getting out of a bad situation has also made life more fun here in Hampton Roads. Sure, it still has its problems, but what place doesn't? I want to get back into music as well, and there really isn't a scene aside from the community band that I can get into it. I know my family will be disappointed, but I need to take care of me. The church I'm going to is awesome also. I'm planning on going to the amazon rainforest among cannibals and other life threatening perils. Life is worth living again! I really want to take the trombone back up and get into the jazz scene. I want to learn swing and tap dance. I want to become a private pilot. I need to start practicing my accordion again and start taking lessons. If I fall in love, great; but she needs to be with me and align with my goals. Support me. Love me. Not get all pissed off because I'm really eccentric and like odd things. I've been listening to jazz again. I can't believe it! I thought that died in me. My ex never liked listening to my music. She never liked doing the things I enjoy. She never supported my aspirations. All she wanted me to do was make more money so we could make more money. And that obviously didn't work because we were broke the entire time. Every time I used my card my asshole puckered while I hoped that it wouldn't be declined. I'm never doing that again, no matter what! I own 3 cars! I have an old, awesome Econoline that I'm going to turn into a one man camper and go weekends to the west side of Virginia for some good hiking and camping. My BMW is the most manly vehicle I've ever owned and I love it. And I just bought a 1994 Mercedes E320 wagon. And it's green; my favourite colour! I can't let all these little crappy situations get me down. I'm a happy guy! I'm going to remain happy. Of course I get down. Of course I have doubts about my abilities. Of course I have my weaknesses. But the Lord is showing me the way and I have a very bright future. Sally forth!Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-58069216622689152482018-05-13T12:20:00.000-07:002018-05-13T12:20:17.000-07:00Changing DirectionsThings are happening and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I get involved in a situation and I'm all the way in. If it goes sour, I'm looking at complete misery. I have to take the chance though. I have to try. I can't change people, but maybe I can show them the way. Shit. It didn't work for my ex. She never saw my position and all it made me was miserable and crappy for 10 years. I thought I'd just sit in that shed, curl up, and die. Now I've got something I'm going for, but it's precarious. What happens if it doesn't pan out? What do I do if the worst comes true? I know it's worth the gamble, but I'm scared I'm going to lose it. Then I have to keep on living; forlorn forever. I'm getting back into jazz music. I'm starting to see a future for myself here in Virginia. Mom wants me to come back to Oregon. That was my original plan, but who the hell am I? What, I go through a divorce and run home to mama? Screw that. Land's too expensive out there. No jobs. Nothing going for me. Hell, I don't really even keep up with anybody out there. I have connections here. I have a good job. And I have the gamble I'm taking. I'm looking at saving up about $30,000 and buying a fixer upper myself. I'm not in a rush. Then, I have the connections to fix it and build a big garage right here in Virginia. I'm going to get my private pilot's license, so I can fly home to Oregon anytime I feel like it. Home's in Heaven ain't it? The pastor said that the Lord would take me by the hand and lead me and He did. I have faith, but I need His help with my unbelief. I can't lose. I'm all in. It's everything I am as a person and I'm scared. Lord help me. Show me the way.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-36569578374380542132018-04-13T22:16:00.003-07:002018-04-13T22:21:51.035-07:00The QuestI feel old. I've lived a life from a child to an old man. I've died. Yet here I remain. As I read about history, I find snippets of glory saturated with the mere struggle to live one more day. Throughout the ages, people have found purpose in death and have pursued it knowing their end. I now seek the same. Instead of living one more day, I seek death today. Death to myself and my passions. Death to security. Death to the dream. Death to me!<br />
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The Lord told Adam in the Garden "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die."<span style="background-color: #fdfeff;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">We are already dead; merely waiting on the piper to collect his due. <span style="font-family: inherit;">We've been dead since we were born. We were born into death and to deny that is folly. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Life is </span></span>narcissism. And as science seeks ways to prolong and prevent death, they simply perpetuate the lie that we ever possessed it in the first place. As if cellular regeneration could ever replace love. No, we are dead; and it is a good thing. For if this ragged existence could ever be defined as life, I should cash in my chips immediately and be done with it. But it is not! The quest is within arms reach! </div>
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Follow the Lord. Ask Him to show you the way. Die today and live forever.</div>
Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-30392202395065935592018-04-12T21:45:00.000-07:002018-04-12T21:45:04.554-07:00Who Am I?This past week at welding school, a girl who already graduated returned to spruce up her skills on TIG. She was cute and everybody was flirting with her. I won't lie, I was attracted as well; however, I put on my armor and resisted all week talking or "flirting" with her. Tonight was the end of the week and I found myself in line with her to return our checked out tools. Somehow we started talking and I ended up bragging about my job. What the hell?! I never gave two shits about my status or the amount of money I make, but for some reason, all that flew out the window and I started bragging. For the remainder of the night, I was completely depressed. I felt like Michael Bolton from the movie Office Space. I let my attraction dictate my actions. I was no longer in control and I went down the same damn path I essentially preach against. I embodied the quintessential hypocrite. I'm getting over it now, but this exchange really showed me a portion of myself that I didn't know existed. I mean, hell, it's nothing to flirt with a girl (even though the situation was wrong), but compromising one's principles just to try to impress a girl (and fail at it I might add) is so wrong it makes me cringe! I really need to examine myself and build up that portion of my resolve to live what I believe. I'm glad I had the courage to call a spade a spade though and own up to my mistake instead of lying to myself and saying I was tired or some bullshit like that.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-55496737361637761332018-04-09T20:55:00.001-07:002018-04-09T20:55:44.555-07:00Dealing With EmotionsI remember reading a quote from an old jazz piano player from the 1940's. He said, "Whatever you do, do it all the way." I've always attempted to apply that maxim to my life. Not that I'm always successful in fulfilling it, but I try. <div>
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I find a big thing I struggle with is understanding that other men and women I encounter don't think like that or even care, just so long as they're safe and comfortable. This puts me at a disadvantage as life's "quality control" if you will has waned to such an extent that people are used to substandard products and actions. </div>
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I've done what I can after separating from my wife. The house is up for sale. I've done what leftover renovations were needed. I work days and spend my nights in welding school. Hell, I've even taken up the accordion which I practice on my lunch breaks. I feel more fulfilled at this point in my life than I ever have, which makes me thankful that the Lord has given me that hardihood to make the break and walk His path.</div>
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On the flip side, I see my estranged wife acting like business as usual. She still lives in the house and hasn't packed or moved anything out of it. Her son still lives there, leeching off her and doing nothing to build himself. She still takes monthly vacations to scenic places, posting pictures on Facebook. It leaves me reeling to be honest. Today, after reducing the selling price of the house, I sent her a text message letting her know. She didn't respond. I view her as a lost child, not knowing where to go or how to act. I wish I could help her, but I know I can't, as she's unwilling to help herself. I gave her multiple opportunities to aqueise, but she refused. So now it's only me dealing with my emotional turmoil.</div>
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It makes me think of how much the Lord does for us. And for all He does, we're unwilling to submit to Him. He loves us and wants us to come into His care, yet we're unwilling; acting like business as usual and sitting there like a bubble on a pot of piss. How frustrating it must be for Him. How helpless He must feel. It's so simple, and yet we're unwilling. I wonder how He deals with His emotions. I wonder if He cries at night and hopes we come around. All we have to say is that we messed it up and need some help. </div>
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I've prayed multiple times for the Lord to take this burden from me, but I still hold it. I think now that I'm supposed to. I think it gives me His perspective on how hard one way love is. I know He holds my hand in the storm. But it's hard every day. I want to slap people sometimes and knock some love in their hearts, but I know I can't. I always try to help, but I find I just can't. And so it goes. Instead of mankind, we have individuals vying for power. We have the know-it-alls who do no wrong. We have death masked in glory. And there's nothing we can do but hold onto the hope that at some future point the scales will fall from their eyes and their hearts will soften to the point that they find they no longer matter; only He does.</div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, </span><i style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">thou</i><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;"> that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under </span><i style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">her </i><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">wings, and ye would not!</span></div>
Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-29031845944922895572018-04-08T19:08:00.000-07:002018-04-08T19:08:06.223-07:00Should I Continue BelievingSome things set me off. I get a bad vibe and just get turned off and even pissed. But, I'm trying to follow the Lord. He's leading me in a certain direction and I don't like what I see. I feel like a sellout. I feel like He's guiding me through the same door everybody else is walking through. I don't like it. I look at the thing He's showing me and I see a future filled with monotony and bland regurgitation of accepted traits. I don't like it. I was told at church today to persevere. Hummph! I've never been one to sit around in a circle jerk just so I feel accepted by the crowd. I've never been one to just sit back and smile about the good times coming in when I see all the trouble brewing. I don't consider myself a pessimist, but I see things for what they are.<br />
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My estranged wife always lead me down those paths and I acquiesced. She'd want me to wear designer clothes and so I did; always feeling like a schmuck. We'd go on vacations and take about 1000 pictures to post to Facebook so that everyone knew we were having the time of our lives. Of course, it was always, "Thank Jesus for all the blessings!" I am thankful, but after finding out that we were almost $70,000 in debt, I really doubt Jesus was blessing us; we were just forcing a good time. I refuse to do that again.<br />
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When I see people having a good time and taking pictures of themselves, I immediately get a bad taste in my mouth. I know it's presumptuous, but I've been burned. I've been burned bad. People don't care about each other and I have a hard time seeing happiness as just that. I see it as narcissism.<br />
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So what is a guy like me supposed to do? I know exactly where I'm supposed to go and who I'm supposed to meet. I want to walk that line. But I also see the bland monotony gazing at me from the rafters, waiting to descend on me.<br />
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So I sit around a lot wondering what joy is. People at church seem happy, but do they have joy? What is joy? I want to be happy, but it's not the most important thing in my life. I'd rather be miserable and in pain knowing I made a difference than to be happy and amount to nothing. Happiness is bunk compared to purpose! For some reason I feel I can't have both. Like they oppose each other. Maybe because so many people put on the mask of happiness without actually possessing it. Does that mean that if I'm actually happy it will brand me as a poser, even though I'm true to the core? Why should I care? Am I the same as everybody else, just trying to prove my worth? I don't know.<br />
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I will follow though. I will persevere. If I settle into the slime of comfort and carelessness, I'll know nothing was ever worth it in the first place. I'll know following the Lord down this path was just another one of my fantastical adventures to gain understanding and purpose. If I settle down again in some suburban wasteland of isolation and salaciousness, I'll know I deserve the future burning tortures of hell.<br />
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War is hard, but peace is unbearable.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-66734032143482575642018-04-01T11:38:00.001-07:002018-04-01T11:38:26.744-07:00The Next StepI remember one Easter morning my siblings and I got up before our parents. We immediately began looking for the hidden baskets that our parents prepared the night before. We found 4 of them sitting on the kitchen countertop. We knew it was just too easy, but each of us grabbed one and began munching away. My little sister wasn't awake yet, but we didn't care that she wouldn't have a basket; we were just happy to have the candy. When my parents woke up, they asked why we grabbed the baskets without waiting for them to hide them. We told them we found them on the counter and just thought that that was where they hid them (yeah, right). My Mom was especially disappointed in me. Opening the microwave she revealed a basket I made in school the week prior filled with twice the amount of candy as the others. She gave it to my sister. Drat...<div>
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Flash forward to today. I realize I've done it again, but this time with a wife instead of a stupid basket of Easter candy. I met my wife when I was in the Navy, reeling from being desperately alone. Then I met my future wife. She was without a home when I met her and her kids had to live with her sister. She was the first girl that took an interest in me. I'd never kissed a girl before, much less done anything else. Not only had I started dating this girl with 4 children not much younger than I was, I sallied forth after learning she was still married. The guilt of copulating with her was too much for my conscience and I brought her to the courthouse to finalize her divorce and married her the next day. It was selfish of course, but I appeased my feelings of guilt by taking her and the kids in and even buying a house for all of us to live in. </div>
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I was never happy, but I always tried... and failed. Vacations always left me the odd man out and when advice was asked, it was towards her in Tagalog instead of us as a married couple. Over the 10 years of being with her, some deep seating feelings of regret and desperation once again flooded over me as I realized I should never have married her. But I put those thoughts away and accepted the adage that I had made my bed and was obliged to sleep in it. </div>
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Things progressively waxed more tense as our dilapidated house neared the fully renovated stage. Fights over money and hidden credit tested my commitment to "laying in the bed" and when my brother Lars visited me, a chink was found in my armor of solace. After she left me and returned during my brother's stay, I was so backwards and depressed that all I could do was go to work everyday and come home to sit in my shed to drink beer and smoke cigarettes. </div>
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Nearly a year passed and my shed routine had become firmly established. I thought to myself one night sitting in my shed while on my fifth cigarette of the night that I needed to instill confidence in myself and persuade my then family to believe in my leadership. I immediately took control of the helm again and began to finish getting my affairs in order to fix that house completely and help her family to fix theirs as well. </div>
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I remember having a fight with my wife about the room that her son stayed in as he didn't pay rent and only wiled away his time playing computer games in his room like a hermit. He was in the smallest bedroom, but began sleeping in the downstairs master bedroom. I told both of them that due to the heat, I didn't mind him sleeping there for the time being, but that once the house was finished I was going to rent the room out so we could begin paying off the massive amount of credit card debt that I had found out about. </div>
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The next Wednesday her parents called me to let me know that their sewage pump had pooped out and a tree had fallen on their house due to the hurricane force wind. After I got off work at 5:00, I went over to their house, installed the sewage pump, and began chopping limbs off their roof with a chainsaw in the wind and rain. It was nearly 10:00 when I returned home. Both my wife and her son were in the downstairs bedroom having just finished moving all his stuff into it. </div>
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After another fight with her we didn't talk for 3 days. I was about to go and stew in the shed again, when I thought better of it and reviewed the facts. We should have never got together or married. We should have never bought that house. And I should have finished my tenure in the Navy and returned home to Oregon. But, instead of waiting for the Lord's blessing on my life, I grabbed the candy on the countertop. </div>
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I'm thankful for God's grace, as He forgives and restores. A peace is on me now; one that took over 11 years to restore to my soul. I'm still working on forgiving myself for hurting her and her family, but I know that the Lord has. The next step is laid out. Now that the shackles are off, I'm able to walk it.</div>
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Lead on Lord. Lead on.</div>
Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-27146713551311897142018-01-11T20:15:00.001-08:002018-01-11T20:15:32.304-08:00Why We're GoneIt's pushing six months. I'm alone. I mean, really alone. I feel, think, walk, move, talk, alone. And I have always been this way. She was never there. I mean, dammit, I wanted to help; but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be. You can't help yourself. All you can do is trust. And that trust will be broken, just like us. Broken into pieces to be fed into the machine. Nothing united as the glue is all dried up. I met her when I was really alone. Crying myself to sleep. Standing at the edge of the world with Tom Cruise. She was walking in a line of ladies and didn't seem all that special. But after that black chick said we should date, I took it to heart and within six months later we were married. She needed me for my money and to fix her stuff. I needed her warm body to lie in bed with so I wouldn't feel so isolated. Now I'm ready to get out of bed. And she wants to stay there. You can only sleep so long before you get a headache and grow restless. So here I am, alone; pretending to get along. Painting the smile on my face everyday I walk out that door. The worst part is that the only reason for doing so is so that people don't think I'm an asshole. It's not because I want to hide the fact that a marriage of 11 years was a useless sham. It's because I know they don't give a fuck. And the only reason I know that is because I don't either. But something in me wants to. I guess I just don't know how. Nobody ever taught me how to care. All I have are stupid emotions evoked from the FM radio I listen to while driving to nowhere. Time for bed asshole. Gotta get to sleep so you can wake up tomorrow and fix other asshole's expensive, worthless, heaps of junk that they don't know how to take care of. Their codpieces. Then we can all kumbaya in a circle jerk talking about how nobody cares about anyone but themselves. And we can show each other stupid fucking pictures on our bloody smartphones about other assholes crave attention and do stupid fucking things for 5 seconds of royalty. And I can walk around bragging about how I've "rejected the system" and don't own a smartphone. I'm stronger than that. The only real reason for getting rid of it was because I watched too much porn and I want to believe I'm better than that. I tried admitting it to her years ago, but she told me to fuck off and just get over it. Thanks babe. I know you never gave a shit. I guess I never did either. Maybe if I did I'd know how to wake you the fuck up. I'll just keep floating through unconsciousness looking for the crack in the ice. Can somebody give me a damned hand for fuck's sake?! Yeah, I've been praying. I've started going to church again. It seems a little better. Nice pastor. Looks like Eddie Rabbitt. He wants me to come to donut breakfast on Tuesdays. Sorry man. I don't trust you. I don't even trust me. All I know right now that there is a Truth out there. I'm going to find it. I don't much mind dying right now, just so long as I can find that Truth. I have nothing to lose. It's already gone like me. Living in the corner of a rooftop and bumping my head everytime I try and stand up. I'm just a fortune cookie. Get beyond my mellow yellow shell and all I have inside is a canned message and some lottery numbers. Throw me away. Don't worry, you'll get another one next time you order fried rice and chicken. Until then, go fuck yourself. At least you'll be doing it instead of some other asshole looking for a hole to fill. Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-26250633565854450722016-06-30T19:29:00.003-07:002016-06-30T19:29:55.567-07:00Taking Care of Each OtherRecently, a white board was posted on the back wall of the shop. It tracks daily hours turned for each mechanic. While this may seem like an effective way of tracking hours, it actually serves to pit us against each other. I believe that management knows this, and seeks to egg us on, as if that's going to make us more productive. Unfortunately, it's a well known fact that a disgruntled employee is essentially good for nothing.<br />
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While speaking with one of my co-workers, it was told to me that the management seeks individuals who are in debt. The reason being is so that they work harder to pay off the debt. It truth, it creates a hostile work environment; and if the work doesn't materialize, gossip starts, and friendships are ruined.<br />
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These few recent experiences have got me thinking about the importance of the golden rule. It seems that more and more people are looking to take care of themselves, and whoever gets in the way of progress is steamrolled right over. But while this may seem immediately effective, longterm success is hampered (or dissolved) and people end up hating each other. I understand that we all have to make a living, but what is life without relationships. Please understand that I don't mean to complain. I just wish that people with more clout than myself would use it to better other's situations instead of bolstering their own.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-45256233476214831792016-06-29T19:35:00.001-07:002016-06-29T19:35:31.168-07:00Missing a NapYesterday, my wife's friend needed help with her Honda Accord. I usually go straight home after work, take a shower, and then take my evening nap. Yesterday I missed it. Truth be told, I think it was more of the placebo effect than anything, but I felt incredibly tired at around 9:00 P.M. I stuck to the schedule and went to bed at 11:00, but in the morning, I was really groggy, and went back to bed for an hour. I don't feel terrible now, but it seems to be that if you cheat while on a polyphasic sleep schedule, you have to pay it back. Truthfully though, I feel like polyphasic sleep is a part of me. I'm very happy to be able to have this much time to accomplish goals, and I hope I don't waste it.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-27100845702852659992016-06-27T19:44:00.002-07:002016-06-27T19:44:36.809-07:00Fighting MyselfI'm a mechanic. One of the interesting things about being a mechanic is that I get paid on the flat rate system. In essence, it means that I get paid per job. If I finish a lot of jobs, I get paid well. If I don't, well, you get the idea. This has worked fairly well for me during my short tenure in this trade, however, with another recession looming over our heads, fixing cars becomes a minor necessity to a lot of people. Thus, work has been slow. Everyone at the shop is on edge and tempers have flared. Add all that to losing our intranet this morning at work and even I was in rip-off-your-face mode. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I always try to remain calm and be productive, but at times I'm unable to restrain my discontent. I know there is nothing I can do about my situation, but for some reason I feel compelled to rage about and let everyone know how angry I am. </div>
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<br /></div>
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This is a human weakness and one I desperately need to work on. We all need to remember that while we may not always be able to control our circumstances, we can control our attitude. Lord help me.</div>
Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-28209725817209435842016-06-26T07:06:00.000-07:002016-06-26T07:06:04.286-07:001%So, in a recent post, I alluded to committing 1% a day to bettering myself. I'd like to lightly expound upon this. I read about this idea in an article about learning how to code. It struck me deeply, as I'm always ready and willing to learn and try new things, but for some reason, my zeal tapers off after the initial endeavour. For some reason, I couldn't continue to learn new skills or new habits, for as I was very excited in the beginning, I soon lost interest and faltered. Not only that, but I found myself depressed as I was unable to continue in my quest for betterment.<br />
<br />
Again, I'd like to reference polyphasic sleeping as the mustard seed, as I wouldn't have been reading at all had it not been for the exorbitant amount of time I've been given as a result of adopting this lifestyle.<br />
<br />
After reading about the idea that to achieve lasting success, only small steps are required, a light turned on inside of me. I attempted to take very small, dissatisfying bites of success in multiple crafts. And although it left me feeling weak, depressed, and unsuccessful in the beginning; after about a week of enduring through it, I found myself not only adapting to the smaller meals, but enjoying them and feeling (to a lesser degree) the same soul kindling zeal I had in the beginnings of the failed attempts. I also feel compelled to complete these tasks, as they hardly take time at all individually. A baby could keep concentrated on them for crying out loud! My ability to retain knowledge and skills is at an all time high, and although I don't feel like a superhero, my wings are starting to develop. <br />
<br />
I would encourage anyone who is a zealous failure, such as myself, to attempt what I've mentioned. Keep in mind that you are not a superhero. You're hardihood does have a limit. Just commit to 1% a day. You'll find you're accomplishing more than you believed you ever could.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-66140481972827797422016-06-25T14:06:00.000-07:002016-06-25T14:06:32.927-07:00My ComplaintSears pissed me off. Here's my complaint:<br />
<br />
I'm am completely unsatisfied with the customer service your company provided. I called up 3 days ago and ordered (or at least thought I ordered) some parts. I spoke with a representative from parts direct over my weed eater. I informed him that the bottom of it had come apart and it was just an empty hole. I also informed him that I knew I at least needed the spool and the retainer for the spool. I asked him if he knew what I was talking about as far as the retainer was concerned and he replied in the affirmative. He then told me that I also would be needed to purchase the spring (I was unaware of this and thanked him). After he concluded the parts lookup, I again asked him if that was all I would be needing. He informed me that I had ordered everything that comes apart from the bottom of the weed eater. Today, June 25, I received a spring in the mail by itself. Naturally I was concerned that I had indeed ordered everything I needed. I therefore proceeded to call the Parts Direct toll free line once again to verify. Initially I spoke with a lady who seemed to be helpful. She informed me that I had indeed ordered the spool, but as for the retainer, she didn't see it on the order and was unsure whether or not the spool came with it. She told me she would transfer me to parts. After a lengthy conversation with her, I would have thought it common courtesy to inform the next representative of the details. She did not and the next lady I spoke with had no knowledge of my concern. I attempted to explain it to her, also providing the model number of my weed eater. As I was speaking, the call dropped. I hadn't even thought of it, but after the call had been lost, it occurred to me that most service representatives initially ask for the client's phone number in case the line drops. Again I called the same toll free number and dialed 2. Someone picked up but the line was dropped again. Finally on the third attempt, I was able to have a conversation with a representative named Linda. Curiously, she was able to find a parts diagram without transferring my call to another representative. She informed me that I needed a bump stop, and that I would have to pay more money for the part, plus extra for shipping. I inquired if the shipping would have been the same had the order been placed correctly in the first place. She informed me that shipping would be more in my situation, as shipping for any part doesn't exceed 9 dollars and some odd cents. I asked if it would be possible for Sears to take care of the shipping, as I had explicitly requested the parts in total the first time I called and was assured that they were all I needed. She told me that my description had been vague, and that in no way would Sears take care of the shipping. I, of course, shelled out the extra money for shipping, but I will not be shopping at Sears in any wise any time soon. It's a shame, as I enjoy the quality of the products produced.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-2780168758579804402016-06-25T07:53:00.000-07:002016-06-25T07:53:16.970-07:00Unveiling DisappointmentSomeone had me work on their vehicle today. I'm a helpful kind of guy, so I obliged. They told me they'd buy me a coffee and even slightly inconvenienced me to verify what kind I drank. It was a job that should have paid at least 50 bucks, but I wasn't concerned. I just like helping people. However, when I arrived at their place to do the job, there was no coffee.<br />
<br />
Why do I care? I mean, I can make coffee at home. My job has free coffee. Why does it matter whether or not the individual neglected to bring the coffee? It's simply because they said they would. I went to an out of the way place to perform a repair for nothing. I asked for nothing, but they offered coffee and didn't deliver. And this, to me, is an offensive act. Nevertheless, I did my best to remain as professional and friendly as possible. I finished the job anyway. This is who I am.<br />
<br />
I've met a lot of people who promise something and then don't deliver. Heck, I've done it myself. But this is something we need to purge from ourselves. It's not enough to talk a good game or look professional; we need to act the part. Each of us has our foibles and follies, but we need to treat each other as we wish to be treated. Instead of talking behind each other's backs, let's do some soul searching into why we feel the need to cower behind gossip, then act the very part we condemn.<br />
<br />
And most of all, bring coffee if you say you're going to for crying out loud!Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-18082557058824363612016-06-24T19:16:00.001-07:002016-06-24T19:16:17.901-07:00Becoming A Champion<span style="font-family: inherit;">What does it take to become a champion? Webster's Dictionary defines the word as "a person who fights or argues for a cause or on behalf of someone else." I've been curious on how to sway others to adopt my type of thinking for some time now. The disconnect, I think, lies in the fact that everyone is out for themselves. Me included. However, by laying that aside, I've found that the most responsive people are those who are in need or are outcasts. I find it discouraging to try and discuss something like alternative energy with an individual who is comfortable in their current situation in life. The mentality seems to be, that if nothing changes (which of course it will), they're content with the system the way it is. It doesn't matter if millions of others are suffering, just so long as they can work a normal nine to five and grab a bud light at the end of the day. Without the sky actually falling on our heads, nothing seems to grab hold inside. I think that might be why the news is so prominent. People want to experience change without experiencing change. People want to be heroes without sacrifice. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Enter the outcast. The people in dire need. Their ears and eyes are open. They need a solution, so they listen intently to all. They are ready and willing to apply esoteric suggestions to their lives. It's as if by turning the comfort off, a light switch is turned on inside their souls. Why? Because we all need to belong. If a fellow outcast presents an eccentricity, of course they're willing to accept. If they accept the idea or thought, the presenter accepts them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This may seem to be backwards logic, but with pure intentions, the means by which you gather the crowd is forgotten. Only the reason remains. Thusly, to become a champion in any wise, we must become the outcast. We must become the eccentric weirdo to whom no self respecting person would associate with. Because, you see, the weirdos follow the eccentrics; and crowds follow crowds, which are comprised of all the normal, self respecting people. And this is how to become a champion.</span>Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-57849116992944014872016-06-23T19:36:00.001-07:002016-06-23T19:36:51.602-07:00Adaption & UnderstandingWell, I've been on this polyphasic sleep thing for a while now. There are sporadic fluctuations in sleep times. I've had two sinus infections which necessitated that I sleep more, but I've always taken my naps and I'm starting to feel a sense of normalcy.<br />
<br />
It's kind of weird having so much time in the day. I don't feel like a superhuman or anything, rather that my life has expanded. I'm pursuing goals that I've wanted to since I was a kid! I'm knitting, writing, practicing penmanship, and teaching myself how to code; and that's not even all of it.<br />
<br />
But something else has happened as well. I'm beginning to notice just how limited my life was before adapting to this schedule. I used to wake up (slightly late), cook breakfast, and rush out the door. Work was slightly satisfying, but I felt a slight sense of helplessness, as if I were stuck and the choice I made to become a mechanic was a terminal one. When I got home from work I felt lethargic. My wife would have some chore or something which needed to be done, but I hadn't the strength or motivation to do it. I'd watch a couple of hours of television, then hit the sack, only to do it all over again. Weekends were a hazy disappointment at best. I had so many things on my plate that I could never tack one goal down. I'd get depressed and end up not doing anything at all.<br />
<br />
This isn't to say that simply adopting a polyphasic sleep schedule was a magic bullet, but it acted as the catalyst for monumental change at 1% daily. Let me iterate. As I started my quest into night consciousness, I found that without a task or goal, I simply went back to sleep. I'd just drift off. So, very quickly, I started pursuing very simple goals. 15 minutes of penmanship practice. I've always wanted to be a really good penman, so 15 minutes was nothing; especially at 3 in the morning. Having completed that task and bathing in the glow of endorphins, I started to complete knitting a simple scarf that I had been trying to finish for over 6 months (I'm not a very good knitter, but I enjoy it as it helps with stress). 30 minutes out of the way, I'd drink some coffee and read. I completed 7 full books while on vacation in Italy, so in hopes of continuing, I started checking out e-books from the local library's website (something I had time to teach myself how to do as I had no idea).<br />
<br />
Then I had an insane idea. I've read about all the great polymaths like Leonardo deVinci and Benjamin Franklin. I wanted to learn a college level skill on my own time without paying for it. Enter computer programming. I started with Codecademy. After completing what I wanted to in the free section, I started searching for ways to network. My thought was to motivate by immersion. I attended a few meetups with javascript developers and obtained a fantastic resource: freecodecamp.com. Now I spend the time knitting, practicing penmanship, and learning how to code all before I go to work in the morning. By the time I start working on my first car, I've already completed multiple goals. I'm actually attaining my dreams.<br />
<br />
I'm not in a rush, but I am on a quest. 1% daily is all I want. In time, perhaps I'll achieve Franklin status. If not, at least I'll be able to knit one heck of a scarf.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-78377031657098803072016-06-09T17:27:00.001-07:002016-06-09T17:27:11.367-07:00Diet and SleepSo for the past two days I've found it to be a monumental challenge to wake up in the morning. This morning was the worst I've felt since adopting a polyphasic sleep schedule. I was unsure as to why I felt so terrible at first. I was able to get my checklist completed for the morning, but my mental clarity was atrocious and my allergies were even worse. I had a headache, and even after taking ibuprofen, it didn't subside. I almost fell asleep driving to work this morning too!<br />
<br />
So after reviewing what could be causing these symptoms, I've found that for both days, I've eaten a heavy dinner (last night was sweet and sour chicken from a local chinese joint). It makes sense, because my body needs more rest to digest heavy food like meat and processed foods. When I was still in the navy, I went raw vegan for 13 days just to see if I could (I love meat by the way). I lost 10 pounds without even exercising and my mental clarity was the best I could ever remember. However, the mental challenge was extremely difficult. I would have continued, but I just loved hamburgers too much.<br />
<br />
So here's my plan. I want to continue with my sleeping schedule, but to do that, I need to adopt a new, lighter, diet. I really need to lose a few pounds anyway, and since I'm familiar with raw veganism (at least somewhat), I'm aiming for that. What I need to make me stick to it though is a cheat meal every now and then. I'm unsure how to schedule a cheat meal without suffering for it, but I would imagine it to be sometime in the morning or afternoon. Absolutely not at night!<br />
<br />
I'm really excited to see what my new diet will do for my waking up abilities, but with two completely new lifestyle changes, it's going to be quite the challenge.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-61353487939713660972016-06-05T14:10:00.003-07:002016-06-05T14:14:17.106-07:00Day 5 of "Everyman" Polyphasic Sleep ScheduleAlright, so I'm going to let the cat out of the bag now that I feel at least somewhat adapted to my new sleeping schedule. I've tried twice to adapt to a polyphasic sleep schedule and failed twice. My wife thought I was on one of my crazy adventures and so she insisted I go to bed. That, and trying to fight my own internal clock proved too much. Both times were the exact same way. I didn't even last the night.<br />
<br />
However, I just went to Italy. I always do a lot of reading on my vacations, and one of the books I read was "The Integral Trees" by Larry Niven. Essentially, humans have adapted to living within a smoke ring within a gas torus. Pretty heavy duty thinking. I occurred to me that the battle wasn't so much physiological as it was psychological. If something is all you know, then what else is there? But one the candle has been lit, an entire realm is opened to understand and partake of.<br />
<br />
I made a plan to adapt to polyphasic sleeping as soon as I returned from Italy. The reason I chose such a time was due to the already occurring 6 hour jet lag that I had to endure whether or not I chose to adapt to polyphasic sleep.<br />
<br />
The jet arrived in Washington D.C. at around 2 P.M. I felt like crap due to the amount of turbulence. Anyway, we took a taxi (also excruciating) back to my in-laws place to crash for the night. Keep in mind that to me, at that time (at around 4 P.M.), it felt like 10 P.M. The fridge at my in-laws broke, so we had to clean, sanitize, and deodorize everything before actually relaxing from the trip. Couldn't have worked better for me though, because 10 P.M. is the time I start waning in lucidity. Having to exert that much energy combined with the time differences masked my internal clock. By the time we were actually eating dinner, it was around 6 P.M. We watched an episode of Game of Thrones and at 8 P.M. we went to bed. Honestly, I was attempting to stay up, but was unable to as it felt like 2 A.M. to me.<br />
<br />
I woke up at 4 A.M. and made some coffee. Slightly disappointed with myself, I was determined to (as I thought) try again. But I don't think that I was trying again, because, as I see it, going to bed at that time threw a third wrench in the works, thus enabling me to start sleeping from a clean slate (so to speak). I attempted naps at both 6 A.M. and 12 P.M. I was unable to sleep during both times. We left D.C. at 3 P.M. and didn't arrive home until almost 7 P.M. This put me in a pickle, because I was driving and missed my nap by an hour. I let my wife go into her sister's house and I attempted to nap in the car (again, no sleep). Then we drove home and unpacked. At 11 P.M. we went to bed. I set the alarm for 2 A.M. and actually woke up!<br />
<br />
When I got up, I read books. I had no schedule or to do list written out, but I knew I needed to keep my mind occupied, so I drank some coffee and read until 6 A.M. It was the same for 2 days; reading only to keep myself awake.<br />
<br />
At that point I decided that I needed to accomplish some goals. I came up with a list of things I wanted to do, but never "had the time for." I didn't want to overburden myself with any one thing, as mental stress would make me regress into old habits. So I mixed as many quiet activities as I could. Knitting, penmanship practice, and learning computer programming were a few of the things I decided I would get better at 1% everyday. It has worked marvelously!<br />
<br />
Now its day 5 and I feel great! While I'm not sleeping through my naps completely, I have attained about a 50% sleep rate and am having dreams during them. I try not to drink coffee or alcohol 3 hours prior to any nap. I've found that if I drink anymore that 1 beer during any waking period, I feel absolutely terrible, although I've still been able to adhere to the schedule. I've also found that as my life is structured around 4 appointments everyday, I'm less prone to wasting time doing nothing. The way I see it, if I'm fighting to stay awake for more hours of the day, I owe it to myself to do something worthwhile during that time.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-25730770801685519882016-06-03T19:55:00.000-07:002016-06-03T19:55:51.386-07:00SleepyI'm about to go to bed. Need to write something to finish off my checklist for the day. So, here goes. "If you want to settle a dispute, inquire at the town of Abel." A quote from something I read in the Bible this morning. Thought it was deep. I'm currently driving Dave's Jimmy and he has been driving my truck. It wouldn't turn on. I went over to his apartment after work and found the coil plug lock was broken. I already saw that and attempted to fix it with dielectric grease, but I guess it didn't hold enough. Going to have to find another connector and splice it in tomorrow if I'm able. That's about all I have strength to write at this moment. Peace.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-6323873797056655022016-06-02T14:59:00.004-07:002016-06-02T14:59:51.447-07:00June 2, 2016Haven't written anything in a while. Just got back from Italy. Beautiful city. People work half the amount we, as Americans, do. Read 7 books altogether on my vacation. Something turned on inside of me after finishing The Integral Trees by Larry Niven. When I was a kid, I spotted the same book on my step dad's night stand. I read the synopsis; about a people living within a smoke ring within a gas torus. I had no idea what the heck it meant, but it intrigued me for some reason. There have been numerous books like that. I've seen them, they've piqued my interest, but the light didn't illuminate, and I continued wasting my life by shoving food down my throat while zoning out in front of some worthless, recycled plot on the television. I guess it's been about two years since I've felt a hunger growing in my soul for literature (or some form of mental growth). Before I left on vacation, I finished the novel Dune as well. I seem to remember one of my brothers having that book at some point.Very enjoyable. My job is dead end. All jobs are dead end. My life is dead end. No one cares what you think, say, or do. All they care about is if you're interested in what they're thinking, saying, or doing. That only lasts so long before the recycled plot rears its face and you're thinking about running into the car in front of you because it's driving 15 miles below the speed limit. For a long time I've wanted another person to take interest in what I'm interested in. It never happened. Best I could do was hang out at 3 in the morning with a fanatic that wanted to buy toy light sabers and chase demons out of the church with them. Funny, I still think fondly of him. I need to keep learning. Just finished Fight Club. It's got a point. At lunch, everyone watches real estate shows and talks about how they want to buy a house; just need to get their finances straight first. Then what? Work even harder? Stress more? So you can sit your fat butt on the sofa after 12 hours of grueling work and zombie out in front of another episode of NCIS while choking down another cheeto? "You are not your job." I'm looking for an answer. Not that I think I'm going to find one. I think I already have. I'm sleeping 4 hours a day. Need more time to do other things aside from work. That's it for now.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-6127746649954067332013-11-05T04:12:00.001-08:002013-11-05T04:12:40.936-08:00Rising HopeThe sun rises on a cold and frosty morning<br />
It brings hope and joy that illuminates the inky world of the unseen<br />
A circle in a circle<br />
Spinning and twisting in its flight of beauty<br />
Casting a fever on winter's desolation<br />
Showing the path<br />
Pointing the way<br />
Telling us it's okay<br />
She'll be back tomorrow<br />
<br />Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-40768550260867462482013-10-30T05:40:00.001-07:002013-10-30T05:40:26.152-07:00A Great IdeaMany times I've found that I have a great idea, way of living, or change of pace that would allow me to strengthen my beliefs and become a stronger man. I have tried these ideas and attempted to incorporate them into my life, however, only to find that after a short while I've reverted back to what I once was. For a time I was vexed at this, unable to grasp exactly why I've been unable to permanently employ my idea. But upon much reflection of the various tried and failed attempts made on my part, I believe it to be for lack of fellowship. For instance; rendering my own lard from scraps of fat that were going to be thrown away and using it for cooking and making my own soap seems like a frugal change of life. Not only that, but I also know what exactly is going into my product vice buying these things at the store and being ignorant of these facts. But when everybody else in the house is disgusted by the fact that I'm cooking with lard and look down on it like an inconvenience, it quickly becomes much more difficult to continue with. This is just one example of my failed ideas and why they do in fact fail. So, my new great idea is to find other like minded individuals who share in my eccentric thinking and are willing to share their own great ideas to keep mine alive. No man is an island.Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-83386514549969131432013-09-23T17:25:00.000-07:002013-09-23T17:25:03.779-07:00Just a ManJust a man<br />
<br />
Just a song<br />
<br />
Just a verse<br />
<br />
Listen well, cause you won't hear it again<br />
<br />
Decay surrounding the dreams of the future<br />
<br />
Then fulfilled<br />
<br />
Presently unwrapped<br />
<br />
Unraveled like a hand knit sweater, so warm<br />
<br />
Perceived<br />
<br />
Performed<br />
<br />
Paraded<br />
<br />
Haughty eyes grasping for more than a lion could devour<br />
<br />
A string of lies which boil over cauldron cold<br />
<br />
Worn out<br />
<br />
Despised<br />
<br />
Forgotten<br />
<br />
Now in a darkened corner of an unknown basement<br />
<br />
No light of life or warmth of words<br />
<br />
Just frayed fibers of longing<br />
<br />
To love<br />
<br />
To leave<br />
<br />
To lose<br />
<br />
Without a vision...<br />
<br />
People are dying!<br />
<br />
Go ahead and wear your life on your sleeve<br />
<br />
Already those knitting hands are crippled by arthritic holes which show forth the gauntness beneath<br />
<br />
Can a hole in a soul be patched by mere man?<br />
<br />
And if so, how long to last the redemption of self glory?<br />
<br />
You dream<br />
<br />
You fly<br />
<br />
You die<br />
<br />Marathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7030910587969444030.post-91819215429123189342013-09-23T17:18:00.000-07:002013-09-23T17:18:15.177-07:00The Captivated MindFalse fetters of a captivated mind<br />
<br />
Feathers plucked and meat in grind<br />
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Greatness strived for, pittance gained<br />
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Thy failed achievement is life disdained<br />
<br />
Breaking, crushing, severing nerve<br />
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In tow, the life of you who serve<br />
<br />
Yet hope isn't lost, light shines nearer still<br />
<br />
Not by thy shattered dreams, but by God's Holy will<br />
<br />
Abandon the path and traipse out in the dark<br />
<br />
For to shelter your soul neath the wings of a lark<br />
<br />
Though glory is lost, take comfort in this<br />
<br />
Your life has been plucked from eternal abyss<br />
<br />
And safe in the fortress of death to thyself<br />
<br />
A new life emerges with riches in delfts<br />
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A servant you are and a servant you'll be<br />
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But a servant submitted is a branch on the TreeMarathon Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13046057592624225186noreply@blogger.com0