June 2, 2016

Haven't written anything in a while. Just got back from Italy. Beautiful city. People work half the amount we, as Americans, do. Read 7 books altogether on my vacation. Something turned on inside of me after finishing The Integral Trees by Larry Niven. When I was a kid, I spotted the same book on my step dad's night stand. I read the synopsis; about a people living within a smoke ring within a gas torus. I had no idea what the heck it meant, but it intrigued me for some reason. There have been numerous books like that. I've seen them, they've piqued my interest, but the light didn't illuminate, and I continued wasting my life by shoving food down my throat while zoning out in front of some worthless, recycled plot on the television. I guess it's been about two years since I've felt a hunger growing in my soul for literature (or some form of mental growth). Before I left on vacation, I finished the novel Dune as well. I seem to remember one of my brothers having that book at some point.Very enjoyable. My job is dead end. All jobs are dead end. My life is dead end. No one cares what you think, say, or do. All they care about is if you're interested in what they're thinking, saying, or doing. That only lasts so long before the recycled plot rears its face and you're thinking about running into the car in front of you because it's driving 15 miles below the speed limit. For a long time I've wanted another person to take interest in what I'm interested in. It never happened. Best I could do was hang out at 3 in the morning with a fanatic that wanted to buy toy light sabers and chase demons out of the church with them. Funny, I still think fondly of him. I need to keep learning. Just finished Fight Club. It's got a point. At lunch, everyone watches real estate shows and talks about how they want to buy a house; just need to get their finances straight first. Then what? Work even harder? Stress more? So you can sit your fat butt on the sofa after 12 hours of grueling work and zombie out in front of another episode of NCIS while choking down another cheeto? "You are not your job." I'm looking for an answer. Not that I think I'm going to find one. I think I already have. I'm sleeping 4 hours a day. Need more time to do other things aside from work. That's it for now.