I find a big thing I struggle with is understanding that other men and women I encounter don't think like that or even care, just so long as they're safe and comfortable. This puts me at a disadvantage as life's "quality control" if you will has waned to such an extent that people are used to substandard products and actions.
I've done what I can after separating from my wife. The house is up for sale. I've done what leftover renovations were needed. I work days and spend my nights in welding school. Hell, I've even taken up the accordion which I practice on my lunch breaks. I feel more fulfilled at this point in my life than I ever have, which makes me thankful that the Lord has given me that hardihood to make the break and walk His path.
On the flip side, I see my estranged wife acting like business as usual. She still lives in the house and hasn't packed or moved anything out of it. Her son still lives there, leeching off her and doing nothing to build himself. She still takes monthly vacations to scenic places, posting pictures on Facebook. It leaves me reeling to be honest. Today, after reducing the selling price of the house, I sent her a text message letting her know. She didn't respond. I view her as a lost child, not knowing where to go or how to act. I wish I could help her, but I know I can't, as she's unwilling to help herself. I gave her multiple opportunities to aqueise, but she refused. So now it's only me dealing with my emotional turmoil.
It makes me think of how much the Lord does for us. And for all He does, we're unwilling to submit to Him. He loves us and wants us to come into His care, yet we're unwilling; acting like business as usual and sitting there like a bubble on a pot of piss. How frustrating it must be for Him. How helpless He must feel. It's so simple, and yet we're unwilling. I wonder how He deals with His emotions. I wonder if He cries at night and hopes we come around. All we have to say is that we messed it up and need some help.
I've prayed multiple times for the Lord to take this burden from me, but I still hold it. I think now that I'm supposed to. I think it gives me His perspective on how hard one way love is. I know He holds my hand in the storm. But it's hard every day. I want to slap people sometimes and knock some love in their hearts, but I know I can't. I always try to help, but I find I just can't. And so it goes. Instead of mankind, we have individuals vying for power. We have the know-it-alls who do no wrong. We have death masked in glory. And there's nothing we can do but hold onto the hope that at some future point the scales will fall from their eyes and their hearts will soften to the point that they find they no longer matter; only He does.
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!
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