Sunday, May 20, 2018

Sticking Around


I've decided that regardless of what happens, I'm staying in Virginia for the time being. Looking at houses and jobs in my part of Oregon has put a serious damper on my desire to return home. Starting home prices hover at around $300,000. Foreclosures are around $100,000 and up. Jobs pay around $13 an hour. Even if I were to acquire a job at Mercedes or BMW, the market isn't there, so flat rate would end up being about the same as hourly. It looks like it's just not in the cards. I have a good job here. If this job turns sour, I can get another good one. I can buy a foreclosed home for around $30,000 and fix it up. All my connections are here. It just seems smarter to stick around. Getting out of a bad situation has also made life more fun here in Hampton Roads. Sure, it still has its problems, but what place doesn't? I want to get back into music as well, and there really isn't a scene aside from the community band that I can get into it. I know my family will be disappointed, but I need to take care of me. The church I'm going to is awesome also. I'm planning on going to the amazon rainforest among cannibals and other life threatening perils. Life is worth living again! I really want to take the trombone back up and get into the jazz scene. I want to learn swing and tap dance. I want to become a private pilot. I need to start practicing my accordion again and start taking lessons. If I fall in love, great; but she needs to be with me and align with my goals. Support me. Love me. Not get all pissed off because I'm really eccentric and like odd things. I've been listening to jazz again. I can't believe it! I thought that died in me. My ex never liked listening to my music. She never liked doing the things I enjoy. She never supported my aspirations. All she wanted me to do was make more money so we could make more money. And that obviously didn't work because we were broke the entire time. Every time I used my card my asshole puckered while I hoped that it wouldn't be declined. I'm never doing that again, no matter what! I own 3 cars! I have an old, awesome Econoline that I'm going to turn into a one man camper and go weekends to the west side of Virginia for some good hiking and camping. My BMW is the most manly vehicle I've ever owned and I love it. And I just bought a 1994 Mercedes E320 wagon. And it's green; my favourite colour! I can't let all these little crappy situations get me down. I'm a happy guy! I'm going to remain happy. Of course I get down. Of course I have doubts about my abilities. Of course I have my weaknesses. But the Lord is showing me the way and I have a very bright future. Sally forth!

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Changing Directions

Things are happening and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I get involved in a situation and I'm all the way in. If it goes sour, I'm looking at complete misery. I have to take the chance though. I have to try. I can't change people, but maybe I can show them the way. Shit. It didn't work for my ex. She never saw my position and all it made me was miserable and crappy for 10 years. I thought I'd just sit in that shed, curl up, and die. Now I've got something I'm going for, but it's precarious. What happens if it doesn't pan out? What do I do if the worst comes true? I know it's worth the gamble, but I'm scared I'm going to lose it. Then I have to keep on living; forlorn forever. I'm getting back into jazz music. I'm starting to see a future for myself here in Virginia. Mom wants me to come back to Oregon. That was my original plan, but who the hell am I? What, I go through a divorce and run home to mama? Screw that. Land's too expensive out there. No jobs. Nothing going for me. Hell, I don't really even keep up with anybody out there. I have connections here. I have a good job. And I have the gamble I'm taking. I'm looking at saving up about $30,000 and buying a fixer upper myself. I'm not in a rush. Then, I have the connections to fix it and build a big garage right here in Virginia. I'm going to get my private pilot's license, so I can fly home to Oregon anytime I feel like it. Home's in Heaven ain't it? The pastor said that the Lord would take me by the hand and lead me and He did. I have faith, but I need His help with my unbelief. I can't lose. I'm all in. It's everything I am as a person and I'm scared. Lord help me. Show me the way.