Coffee & Cigarettes

     I still remember it like yesterday. He was sitting at that old table; the one with the corroding chromed legs and chipped plastic veneer. The chairs were salvaged from an old out of business buffet. They didn't match. He was wearing his favorite worn out jeans and faded blue tee shirt he got from the hospital after his second heart attack. His long white pony tail was facing me as plumes of blue smoke magically appeared from the other side and dissipated in a flurry of spirals and streams.

"Hey Dad!"

"I told you not to be in the house while I'm working."

"What are you doing?"

"Building a new tower for a client of mine. What do you want?"

     Just then a sizzling sound emanates from the backs of both of us. Waters boiling. He stands up and shoots me an annoyed glance; then walks to the stove, picks up the pot, and pours the scalding water into a dingy yellow plastic coffee maker.

"Sit down and let me show you something. Everything inside this tower has a purpose. The shell protects all the parts from dirt. The motherboard is where all the components plug into. Then you've got the memory cards, video card, sound card... Everything has a purpose."

"Why don't they just make them all one piece? Wouldn't it be easier?"

"No. Everybody that owns a computer has a purpose for using it. Just as the parts have a purpose, so do the users. And you have to make the computer to fit the purpose of whoever is using it. Hold on a second, and don't touch anything."

     He walks back to the coffee maker with its ready brew and pours black tar into a black mug. As he lights another cigarette, he stares out the window of the single wide trailer to his dying tomato plants. Dissatisfied with them, he glares at me.

"What do you want? Shouldn't you be outside playing with your brothers?"

"It's hot, so I came inside for a drink. Can I have some coffee?"

"No. It's not good for you. There's a hose outside. Why didn't you just get a drink from it? You can see I'm busy in here. You're disturbing my work and you're going to get the computer dirty since you've been outside. Just go back and play."

"Can you build me a computer?"

     Snickering, he inhales deeply the half burnt cigarette and blows a stream of blue into the already saturated air.

"Why do you want a computer?"

"It's neat! Can you show me how to build a tower?"

"Tell you what; if you can answer this one question, I'll build you a tower. What would you use a computer for?"

     Stupefied, I awkwardly grasp for an answer. None come.

"I don't know."

"Then I won't build you a computer. But if you ever come up with an answer to my question, you've got a deal."

     At that moment he accidentally bumps the mug and soaks the scattered components with coffee.

"Dammit! Get out of here! I told you not to be in here! Get out!"

     I start crying and run for the door. As it creaks open, sunlight floods the room, illuminating the smoke filled trailer with blue suffocation.

"I'm sorry Dad."

     The door shuts.

Just Wondering Around

A lot of time I find myself sitting and thinking what in the world I'm doing. I read to learn; I learn to do; I do to be better. But I'm going to die just like everybody else. And in truth, nobody cares how hard I try or how well I do, so why do anything at all? Everybody I come across is either trying to prove their worth, hold on to their riches, or trying to become more than they are so they can accomplish one of the other things. The only neutral conversation is about the weather, but you can only talk about that for a maximum of 30 seconds before it fizzles out. If you try to help somebody, they'll soon forget it. It doesn't become a lesson to them so they can help others. They just become dependent on others help. If you try to create art, everybody starts trying to dissect it so that they can brag about how smart they are. No matter how much you create and give away, it'll never be enough. It always results in death. But you know, I like to eat and sleep. I like to breathe fresh and crisp air and watch the birds and blue skies. To smell flowers and listen to music is very enjoyable. And I love to create art in whatever form and enjoy my own handiwork. I suppose I just wish that we could all just enjoy life together without trying so hard to beat each other. Maybe I'll make pizza tonight.